Sleeping illness 3

31st April '07
Saturday
9.50PM

Oh gosh, Marc talk to me on Msn and i nearly just forget about stalking the Melbourne Boys. The stalker club has been inactive for so many months. SO sorry, i've been so busy though i'm fine, still. Nhat is still as busy as always... i don't know, not very interested in him anymore since he doesn't really care about us, his Singapore friends... Hmm, or i shouldn't say it this way... He's such a nerd that he is so busy with his work, he has no time for his friends even when it was just chatting on msn. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! yeah, though joking but it's true lo... everyone thinks he's a nerd now... that nerdy nhat.

But i'm glad he said he might be coming to Singapore at the end of this year... it's the time we've finished our o level exam and are damn free that time... so it shouldn't be a problem if he wants us to bring him around or whatever de... if he just want to come here for holiday and doesn't want us to disturb him then we can easily get a job and... Ya... we're very auto people, HOR? (i meant the stalker club) HaHa!!!

Stalking the others who are online now. I hope, they will reply. Garyn was busy. Too bad, no one replies except for Marc and Nhat. Well, my focus is now, my Singapore friends.

HaHa!!! Today i went out with Viven, Sharon, Sherly, Yan Jie, Wendy, Weslie and Qiao Feng btu i wonder why i see Qiao Feng i'll feel so violent and agressive. i started slapping him when he said something bad. OOoops! Too bad lah, he is always so irregular i just beat him up for fun or just to teach him a lesson. Hmm, Yan Jie was silent throughout and sang only one song. BUT it is amazing isn't it? i thought he won't sing a song. Bleh!!! Cannot believe this...

Nowadays sec. 1s are so atrocious. One of them send me virus today... Angry. I really don't know leh, they are so innocent... and i'm taken in by their innocence. Shit me, why am i so dumb? Nevermind, i believe i'll learn this lesson. I'm smart now!

K-box was okay-okay, with a very LENG surprise for weslie... in the room. =.= Maybe before that was a better surprise.. the one where he said he's going to reach with Qiao Feng and i went outside the k-box and ambushed in the crowd before puncing on the two and slap them hard on their BACK. HAHAHA!!! KNOW WHAT?? Weslie screamed!!!!!! TIMID SIA!!!! I cannot believe this... Qiao Feng jumped!!!!!! OMG!!! and he made excuses that he jumped because it was pain... Funny lor... he just jumped because he kena frightened by me too...

Then we sing from 1pm - 4pm... Damn, i hate k-box now. The Earth Song was horrible and the Childhood was horrible too. DAMN DAMN DAMN, how can they anyhow take one video then play it as Earth Song music video??? make earth song looks like it's a love song (between man and woman) but the truth is, Earth Song is a song to remind people the damage we've done to the Earth...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! Very Angry. Then, childhood was also another damn one. i can't even follow when it started you-know? The quality was so bad i really can't believe k-box is such a lousy koraoke shop... Then, everyone was laughing at me because they don't really like Michael Jackson and was not very interested in his song... and i was very enthu to sing that song... T.T Weslie and Vivien got sing along lor... they got hear before. =) And, though everyone laugh can see weslie is such an amazing friend for not adding anymore comments because he knows Michael Jackson is MY OU XIANG!!!!! The rest however, just keep laughing when they also know that Michael Jackson is my OU XIANG!!!

It was awesome because i've never sing "jian ao" before but i managed to sing some songs which i've listened before and had never sing before... Weslie and my voice can't fit... thoughout the few songs we sang, i think only one song sounded quite alright... where both our voices blend quite well together... the one that is super old liao... sung by su yong kang and kit chen... I long long time never hear it and it was amazing i still like it. =) Then, i sang "lian ai da ren" with the girls... gosh, horrible you-know? I only know the guy's part but i got the girl's part instead... only until half the song gone then we changed back so the song was... hmm, quite nan ting...

Hmm, smash 3 cakes on weslie's face. it was his surprise farewell party but it was not succesfull and surprising at all. I hate my idea. it won't work. Forever it won't work. FOREVER!!!! But he everytime say he angry laio arh angry liao arh in the end smash on hsi face he also not angry... BUT i was feeling quite sick of the coffee smell because i bought a kiwi pandan cake and 2 coffee cake slice and when Sharon, Vivien and I smash it on his face, he smash some on my face too... Kaoz... the coffee is so.... OMG yucks!!!! And, it just stick onto my hair... pretty gross... i shouldn't have sit beside him. BTW, why no one invent ed the farewell song arh?? Kaoz... we have to sing happy birthday song to make do with it... Super ridiculous!

We went to wash ourselves but shit to say, still got some cream sticking on my hair... i just can't wash it off... Weslie is beter coz his hair short... mine leh? Damn, and we ran out one lor... if not, the k-box staff is going to scold us for making a mess in their rooms. HAHAHA!!!! The cake pieces are all over the carpet... But it was dumb and very lame. just can't explain the leng + lame situation.

Oh yes, and i've now know who can't sing and who can sing today... HaHa!!! But we don't care le lah out-of-tune jiu out-of-tune lor... laugh laugh laugh only mah like will kill... and they keep singing some chinese songs that i've never heard before and those songs like very popular nowadays... I'm indeed OUTDATED. very.

Oh today, wslie brought us to the Henry Shop, i think it's called like that and i never know the HMV there was 3 storey BIG!!! Damn, and i found Xiao Zhu Luo Zhi Xiang CD, the one that Garyn wanted BUT i'm broke by thast time because we went to k-box and after lending people money hor, i'm left with 4 bucks. =(

And, the Henry Shop very cool... The Super Big Stitch caught my attention and i've announced it to them that i want this stitch as my birthday present though it cost 60 dollars but they just have to share then each of them pay 10 dollars lor... HaHa!!! And just in case they never buy, i've told cedrick i wanted that Stitch too so he's going to tell the zodiac gang about it and get me one too. I'll have 2 stitch for birthday!!! HaHa!!! I love stitch a lot, just find it cute and sweet and NICE!!! love looking at it and i won't get tired... just don't know why. though the lilo and sticth movie was not exceptionally famous or popular amongst the teens or adults, i just like how it looks.

Now, left with 2 bucks after spending 2 dollar on arcade... i played Damn Time Crisis III and it was so shit i meant the machine fake gun. I died not long after thong-ing the coin into the machine. I'll train my time crisis shooting skill de, then i'll play like an expert. =) Hmm, where to get the game?

I went back home after that because i'm too broke to eat outside. But my dinner was awesome! HaHa!! got duck, got egg, got vegetables, got rice, got chicken and got HOT-BOILING SOUP!!! Man, i just keep drinking i was too bloated to eat the dishes. So, i really won't regret not eating outside. HaHa!!

Okay lor, i think i had fun with the 7 other people. HAHAHAHAHA!!! all my frustration vented on hitting the 7 people. FUN FUN FUN!!! I'll go k-box again but definitely not to sing English song. Just hate the music video they had for English songs.

Looks like my mummy has not yet learnt her lesson. Just don't understand why is she so dead-head. Anyway, think she has just told my aunties about that, wanting to make a big commotion out of it. Man, i'm dying again lo. i thought my family won't be giving me any problem again and now it's starting again. Really hor, i cannot stand her behaviour and action. She's my mum and she jsut can't grow up together with me. I like my dad better. However, sometimes i think that if my mummy never care about me anymore, will i cry? HAHAHA!!! ambiguous lah... BUT she's just too much now, okay? She must give her limit to her care and concern. Too much or too less is just bad for health. Just nice is JUST NICE!!! =) HAHAHA!!!

Sleeping illness 2

31st March '07
Saturday
10.10AM
Knowing i'll be late if i blog now, i still blog. HAHAHAHA!!!

Okay this is bad, though i don't take 564564 seriously, meaning 'coz she might be just a blog-hopper BUT i dreamt about him!!! And, seriously i must be crazy because in this dream...

Gosh, haha... 564 564 is Michael Jackson. The dream was about Me flipping through a magazine or something or maybe i met Michael jackson? Or someone told me about it... but i get to know that Michael jackson uses "564564" as his nick online... regardless where he suft the internet, if he tag or leave a message somewhere, he will always use "564564" as his name. GOSH!!! i was so happy and thought it was real... but just now see this person, 564 564, tagged... look at her English i know she isn't.

HAHAHAHA!!! Thank too much but it's how amazing i dreamt about Michael jackson twice in a year. I've never dreamt about him in the past. MY OU XIANG!!!!!!!

If 564564 is Michael Jackson, i'll find chance to meet him. HAHAHA!!! Too bad Michael jackson will never come here... T.T think too much.

Hmm, yesterday YEC meeting was fun BUT the adults are childish nowadays (i'm typing what Jin gaung said i will typed in my blog...) And, it was yesterday i realised Jin Guang guang guang guang guang was an ADULT!!! HAHAHAHA!!! he laugh like an adult i'm so scared you-know? Horrifying Laugh... SO scary... yeah, when he laugh like that, it's hard not to believe he's an adult, how many years old? almost 30 right? LAO LE LAO LE... HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

okay, don't talk too much about lao ren, hahaha... Oh yeah, today going K-Box and that dumb Benjamin told me i ca't make it liao. SEE LAH! tell his father last minute de... Man, Stupid Benjamin, he's going to get it on Monday.

Hmm, my mummy alway likes to do what she likes and never care how i feel... nevermind, i'll perservere and will not be defeated by what she did. Angry is angry but I WILL MAKE HER UNDERSTAND!!!

Hmm, die liao broke liao... T.T after this K-Box thingy our next outing cannot be on next saturday because we got exchange that day. Thanks ms lye for organising so many exchange!!! If i leave choir, i'll miss Ms Lye de... T.T time flies huh? from the first day i joined choir, i was impressed by my seniors, really love singing then and now... and i've always sing out loud and proud.

Even though i joined choir at sec. 1 year-end but i really really love choir a lot lah... though we're not like a family when we should be.... BUT it takes time to develop this and it's impossible to make something like that happen overnight! HaHa!! Students love treating CCA as their CCA but i can say i treat choir better than my family...

OKAY!!! I'll change... hahaha... at home, i don't do housework, don't take care of my brother, don't cook, don't teach my sister what she doesn't know, only knows how to sleep... For choir, i sweep the choir floor, i tried my best to help my juniors in their studies or to help them with their pieces... though i never cooked for choir but i can stay up all night to finish whatever it is related to choir... to organise stuff so that i'm more prepared to face the choir members. Man, haha, my mummy always said that and i always never understand that... i only hear what she nags but the message just go in to right ear and leave from left ear that kind of thing.

Still, i think that i didn't really do a lot though compared to contributing to my family, i've did more to choir than my family. HAHAHA!!! Gosh, bad kid bad kid.

Hmm, nowadays kids are so Awesome!!! HAte them now, those who looks like they won't do anything bad can simply send you a virus and act innocent until when you open it, your come kena the virus... AAAAAAAAAAh!!! i'm just so stupid to have taken in by her look. Never read a book by its cover... Sec. 1s are just so DAMN. SHIT THEM.

Sleeping illness 1

29th April '07
Thursday
6.12 PM

Gosh, i don't know if i'm doing the right things or wrong things but i can't bring a smile on my face everytime i hear Mezzo sing. HaHa!! Well, since Yan Ting said Mezzo has improve a lot then i shall leave it to her bah... to me, it sounded quite average without much improvements. Quite weak lah but Mezzo is a difficult section but i don't understand why the teachers love putting those very weak singers in this section.

Most probably because they test the singers and they can't sing nice hight notes and they can't sing nice low notes too. Next time, i would suggest bringing those weak ones to Alto and the strong ones to Mezzo. Alto is an easy section. =)

Mezzo must really work hard lor to prove other sections wrong. OKAY?!?! HaHa!!

I've no time to blog about my baba's birthday but i need to so that i'll remember. We went to Seoul Garden and it was great. I've been to Tampines Branch once and i remember eating a lot till i'm bloated before leaving... Haha!!! It was expensive, around 22 dollars per adult. My mummy spent 100+ bucks on the dinner.

Hmmm, it wasn't a special day though my baba is finally a 50 year old half-senior citizen... HaHa!!! To tell you the truth, no matter how i look at my father at different angle, he doesn't look like a 50 year old old man!!

Hmm, i don't know i should ever take back my words not. i'll see how choir behaves bah... if they show sincerity and seriousness when practicing but still can't get a gold. Then, i'll considering coming back to kan-kan- them, if not, i'll really disappear and be back to visit my teachers ONLY. Sometimes, i think only Weslie can bear with all these... I simply can't.

Disaster 20

26th March '07
Monday
8.30PM

I’ve told quite a number of people that I’m going to leave choir and never come back if we don’t get a Gold this year for SYF.

HaHa, amazed? I was happy today though it was quite a sad day when I first receive the news that I’ve did badly for chemistry test. I’ve predicted my grade BUT I never expect to hear from Mrs Chua. She sounded very disappointed and to tell you the truth, I really almost cried. Dumb, I don’t know why I’ve been very emotional and cry very easily nowadays.

This happens to Mr. Ow’s incident too. He sounded so disappointed in me, I just so sorry but I couldn’t express it in words, so tears filled my eyes and flow down my cheeks…

Gosh, I’ll LEARN TO MANAGE MY time from now on. I’ll really really learn. Don’t wish to disappoint anyone again, especially myself.

Important! I realized how much I love choir today and I really couldn’t bear to leave choir. However, under certain cicumstances, I have no choice but to go with my heart broken into pieces… (you should know why I said that…) and maybe when I’m forced to graduate from choir… AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAh!!!!

Cannot bear to think of that man… if choir gets a choir then I’ll hohoho… try ask mrs chua if she needs my help to build up the alumni. I’ll be very very glad to help her with that. And, we shall together with everyone make the choir a more united, fun and strong CCA!!!! GOLD GOLD GOLD!!! MUST GET GOLD IF NOT, NO MORE Y2!!!!

Hmm, really really love choir and choir brightens up my day. No one knows how happy I was, smiling from choir end to back home… I never stop smiling. And, as always, my heart is bubbling with happiness. *efferverscence* I LOVE CHOIR!!!!! LOVE MY CHOIR MATES!!! LOVE EVERYONE THERE!!! LOVE THE INSTRUCTORS!!!!! LOVE THE TEACHERS-IN-CHARGE!!!!!! LOVE THE ROOM!!!!

I appreciate all things related to choir. =) happy happy happy. Too bad after actual judging we won’t be able to know the result but I don’t wish to carry a sulky face back to school because that means I’ll have no mood to listen to what the teachers teach… and I doubt even if I carry a happy face back to school, I’ll still listen to the lessons because excitement bound to drag my attention away from studies… I’ll just keep staring blankly at an open space and fantasize about choir getting a GOLD for SYF!!!!

YIPEEEEEE!!!!!! Man, I want…!!!!!!!!!!

Do you know how happy I am now?

Well, but I still think that Friday is going to be very horrendous. A very long story, nothing to do with instructor, or maybe partly but we usually progress very slowly on Friday. Thus, we are disheartened very easily. Then, our progress on Friday will go even slower… … … worst then turtle crawling…

Hmm, I am really happy that soprano and alto are doing quite good. Alto was already quite strong so you can say that we made no improvements at all… HaHa!!! Soprano was wonderful!!! They are getting louder and louder!!! LOVE SOPRANO!!!! Now, we shall target on Mezzo. Once the mezzo is strengthened we’ll have hope of getting a Gold for Choir!!!!!!

Happy. Happy. Happy!!!! Great Job! Well Done, choir!!! Must continue to work hard and I’ll save hard too. If we get a gold, I’ll treat my alto pizza… (if I ever had that kind of money at that period of time…)

SAVE SAVE SAVE!!!!!! Don’t go around telling people that, okay? My mummy’s going to kill me if she knows what I’ve said… HaHa!!! Alto pizza and the whole choir, maybe a drink each or home-made wasabi rice balls. HAHAHAHAAHAHA!!!!!

Hen Kai Xin AAAAAAAh!!!! Hmm, now really is concentrating on Mezzo and the sec. 1s and I guess it would be fine. Sec. 1s, please buck up! I’ve decided not to give up so easily. Weslie!!!!!! Jia You!!!! Don’t Give Up!!!!! The Sec. 1s, co-operate and submit to Weslie bah…!!! Don’t make things difficult for him lah… respect him as your senior. You wouldn’t want your future junior to do the same to you, right? Mezzo! Soprano and Alto will help you!!! Of course, with super bg help from our two awesome instructors!!!

Choir, keep rocking~!

Oh, i slept in chemistry class today. Pai seh lah, i was too tired. And, today super heavy downpour. HaHa!!! SMS my baba 'coz that time when he brought me to school the front glass totally cannot see anything even with the wiping thingy... very scary you-know? to think i prayed for it to rain and the rain scared me. next time won't do that again... Oh gosh, my dad never reply my sms... i so concern he like heck care one. HAHAHA!!! well, suan le.

Disaster 19

22nd March '07
Thursday
6.41PM

Irritating, i've got so much to do... but i feel so drowsy and weary and I'M GOING TO DOZE OFF ANY MOMENT!! haha!! Tomorrow, i'll have to go to a whatever interview and i really really hope Pasir Ris Secondary School will get the whatever chop stamped nicely and big on our PRSS paper? I don't know i just wish my school can soar...!!!

HaHa!! i actually feel proud to be in this school though not everything is perfect and i've always wanted more facilities... HaHa!! Facilities like... providing a meeting/conference room for the students. Our school can actually think of creating more rooms for students to conduct meetings. Some CCAs really need a room for everyone to sit down comfortably before the meeting can begin and i-think it's a way to speed things up.

And, for example i'm in choir and we have a choir room. Why not use choir room to conduct meetings? Well, problem is we got to get our teacher-in-charge to get the keys from the general office and if none of the teachers-in-charge are in school that day, meeting is off! Then, when we can ever conduct a meeting? sometimes, time is really the main factor.

Thus, having these meeting rooms, they can actually have the school clerks to take charge of the keys since they are in school almost everyday. The leaders of the CCAs just have to report the the clerks and fill in some forms and get the keys from the clerk and the meeting is ON!!! That's very conveninent! The teacher-in-charge of the CCA can keep track of their CCAs meetings too through the forms the leaders fill in and would not have to be present. Sometimes, students can work better without the teachers! Of course, each teacher can have their own way of tracking their students progess of a particular project...

Well, i really feel the need because...

Sometimes, some areas in school are really not suitable for meetings because it's too noisy. Anyway,i'm glad the school progessing in terms of EVERYTHING!!! HaHa!! I might have went through a lot of programs my school has organised for me but because there are too many of them, it's hard to recall all of them. Gosh!!

I'll try my best, still.

Hmm, i would like to write about the choir day-camp lah... but it would be on the choir msn group. =) i'll open up a corner/message board for choir members to blog their thoughts and happy moments and entries on this choir day-camp. =)

Disaster 18

21st March '07
Wednesday
5.22PM

At first i thought i was very unlucky today because i didn't do well for chemistry due to all the hmm, how do i put it in words? Well, i just simply mix up the anions and cations stuff... they are like floating all over my heads... the colours, the charges, the test tubes... and OMG OMG!!! so confusing you-know? So, i simply lose 6-8 marks because of this...

Until when i read my tag then i realise i was very lucky today... Because Triple As freak offer to help!!! HeHe... HoHo... HaHa... Anyway, zhen de yao xie xie ta la... hor? Gosh, you're the best friend ever!!! Okay, you're now my no. 1 hao peng you. HaHa!!! The world zhui shuai zhui shuai de shuai ge!!!! Okay, don't puke. Hahahaha... or you'll puke when i say you're cute? HAHAHAHA!!! In super good mood now, but i can't send you the thing first... i see what Mr. Jin Guang Guang Guang Guang has got to say first then i send you if not i think everything will be in a mess bah...

Well, actually you've seen it before lah... i just made a few amendements...

Okay, i shall organise more fun times for choir members. Xiang Xiang i should lor and think more again... even if i cannot make it... maybe the others can lah... we're all very busy people so it's impossible for everyone to attend. Maybe just a short one... I go ask Mrs Chua first if she let me announce to the choir... WE GO K-BOX!!! K-ge until we all die, okay? Shall make it this coming saturday if possible... HoHO!!! got english songs so i think the malays can join too! the chinese can also teach them sing chinese songs lah...

BUT i got to go half-way because 2pm got the dumb silver connect thingy which is compulsory... joining too much stuff is just making lots of things impossible. HaH!! you-know i hate to attend workshop? you know i hate to hear people preach? Gosh, sianz... hopefully i won't sleep half-way.

Triple As freak, you're invited to join us!!! If you nv read this then i'll inform you personally lah... ben xiao jie won't miss you out since you're such an amazing friend!!! I'll teach you singing... i'm your vocal coach, remember? Don't reject our kind offer, okay? you said that you sense some age gap what... so now it's time to bridge the gap and learn singing from ME, this pro. =) Ah thank you. welcome. I'll get the boys too then we can go basketball-ing the next saturday after this. HoHoHo!!!

Then, we'll have small mini outings every weekends... OMG!! so busy! SO COOL!!! first, k-box. second, basketball. third, movie. fourth, gym. fifth, ice-skating. sixth, dinner. seventh, lunch. eighth, breakfast. ninth, bbq. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAh!!! HaHaHa!! MORE MORE MORE!!!!

Brilliant!!! not much time left~!!! GO GO GO!!!! i'm going to be super broke in no time!

Disaster 18

19th March '07
Monday
10.26PM

Dumb brother has just vomited in my room. ARGH!!! SHIT HIM FOR NOT HEEDING MY ADVICE!!!! I TOLD HIM TO STOP EYEING ON MY STEPSILS AND HE JUST CAN'T LISTEN... in the end, so hot, he kena choked and vomited his dinner together with the small little stepsils. DUMB!!!

Jin guang guang guang guang!!! HURRY APPEAR!!! you don't appear, then i'll be doomed!!! SAVE ME FROM SCOLDINGS!!!! PLEASE DO!!!!! i'm going crazy doing that cluedo thingy...

Oh just a hint maybe, triple As freak was given a no. of nicknames by ben xiao jie. HoHoHo!!! I think this current nick is nice. =)

Anyway, triple As freak, i really hope you can help me with this YEC thingy... if you ever read this, please consider and i'll consider forgiving you for being such a lenient kind ben dan!!! HaHa!!! you should know what i was talking about bah... you're the triple As freak leh! Please!! that jin guang guang guang guang is just not as smart as you though he is older than you ALOT... (hmm, i was just joking...) you're still the smart freak and only you can think of such WONDERFUL PLOT!!! sianz, wo yao feng le... i should not have help out at all... WHY AM I SO DUMB???

And, Jin guang guang guang... don't play hide-and-seek with me hor... appear!!!! your sms reply hor... like not reply leh... you're not giving me any assurance... i got this weird feeling that i'm going to get scolding this wednesday. And, though i tried to finish my plot but i wasn't sure whether it's good. Don't tell me i just send what i've did to Andrew? I don't think so. i don't even know if my plot works not... so please!!!! I pray hard to every deities and gods and goddess existing in this world that this cluedo game will not come out a... ERPXS... T.T

disaster 17

15th March '07
Thursday
8.18PM

Okay, i don't know but i really don't know how to handle some stuff. Life is hard. My only reason for me to perserve is just keep telling myself i only have to bear for a few more months and i'll be out of misery. It's very upsetting to see something that you wish to happen NOT HAPPENING... why do i always have to give up on something then will that something be enlightened, understood and happened?

Whatever it is. i'm glad i've finish the first two horrendous choir day-camp. First day was pretty good i don't mean the exchange... Second day was pretty bad. maybe to many they think it's alright but things that the others experienced or not what i've experienced because somethings just pop out unexpectedly and went out of my control... Tomorrow is finally a day i do not have to tense all day to make sure that what i've planned is porceeding smoothly with no obstacles...

Okay, i've got to explain... during ms lye's choir practice today we were actually divided into 4 groups and we were then sent off to practice mini-combine with the group members which consist of alto, mezzo and soprano. Because soprano and mezzo were a little uncertain about their parts we decided to do a short little sectional. Well, because in my group there were only 3 altos (including myself) and everytime during sectional, altos have always practiced quite hard, i don't feel the need of practicing and so i suggested we just go one corner and play games.

We did that. actually one of the reasons is also because i was feeling quite upset of the happenings during the physical training in the morning though i've always put on a happy-go-lucky face or maybe angry face (which will only last less than 30 seconds in average) when i met some BAD surprise! So, Benjamin, Maria and I played and never practice. Still, we did well, making little possible errors. =) Glad but that can't ease the sadness in me. though i play and hit hard, i still don't feel happy at all. I don't. My face appeared to be, my heart wasn't.

My heart went out of control.

Back to choir practice...

The joy of singing is always there, to me, but i can't feel everyone's joy. I can imagine a beautiful sight where everyone is smiling and singing passionately and full of pride and vigor. Gosh, i don't understand why when someone as dumb as me can understand simple things like this so that we can achieve our goal and yet none of them is doing it. They understand the sentence but they can't comprehend and can't do more than just understanding. Problem is, everyone knows their problems but they did nothing to improve. The true meaning of understanding... they just can't get it. Understanding means you do and get things right.

Okay, i've so many things to do and so many troubles poppiong out one by one in my head. i'm really exhausted now, both mentally and physically. when i'm in the midst of solving this, here comes another one and when i've not yet finish thinking of ways to solve both questions, i've another one coming... Man, why do humans have to live a life that is full of worries and sorrow?

I detest this kind of life, it's draining me away. i'm turning from a cheerful, fun-loving, cute, optimistic, sociable, pure, innocent, dumb, stupid little girl into a grumpy, quiet, wicked, pessimistic, evil BIG freak. i'm no longer a kind-hearted soul. i can feel the devil lurking inside of me. i wanted to quit and that's it!!! ... ... ... but i can't bring myself to do that. i can't bear to quit though i longed to quit. yes, it's ambiguous. i'm just being not truthful to myself.

I really really... love choir a lot and i hope to share happiness and sorrow with my dear choir mates together. i really hope we can achieve our common goal together. i really hope we can cry the tears of joy together. i really really hope we can do things or share our feelings together... but i don't know why i hate choir and love it so much at the same time.

Please be more sporty and participate before i break down in front of you guys... i really don't wish to embarass myself... i look very ugly and dumb when i cry so please be kind towards me and have mercy on me... Choir, especially the seniors... i wanted to scream!!! to shout!!!! to scold you guys in front of everyone... TO BEAT YOU UP!!! TO STRANGLE YOU!!!!!!! TO SCOLD YOU UNTIL YOU CRY AND I'LL FEEL SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU CRY OUT HARD AND LOUD WHEN KENA SCOLDED BY ME WHEN YOU FAILED TO MEET MY EXPECTATIONS AND PARTICIPATE WITH THE REST!!!!!!! I'LL LAUGH AND SMILE AND GRIN AND SAY MEAN WORDS TO YOU... TO BREAK YOUR HEART AND MAKE YOUR EYES SWOLLEN AND RED... EVEN BETTER IF I CAN JUST SLAP YOU AND WALK AWAY WITH A SMUG ON MY FACE!!!!

DON'T YOU KNOW YOU'RE THERE TO SET THE EXAMPLES?? IF YOU DON'T DO THAT... THEN DO YOU THINK THE JUNIORS WILL DO IT? THEY WILL ONLY THINK OH THE SENIORS NEVER DO AND IT'S FINE SO THE NEXT TIME WE HAVE SUXH EVENT, IT'T WON'T WORK ANYMORE!!!!

I HATE YOU!!!!! HATE YOU HATE YOU!!!! I WAN YOU TO EXPERIENCE THE SAME ExCRUCIATING PAIN I'D... The SWOLLEN EYES, ... THE GUILT... THE REGRETS... YOU'RE JUST MAKING ME SICK OF YOU... A BUNCH OF IDIOTS!!!!! SO BIG LIAO STILL DON'T KNOW HOW TO THINK?!?!

man, try to put others in your shoe... if i've tried to understand why can't you?? why can't you understand how i feel? you need to overcome this or we can never never achieve the goal we want because we're not together as one... we might be quite strong but internally, we're not united and this won't bring any good to us... we're easily disheartened and gave up because when one is dishearted, no one is there to motivate, to encourage and to share the difficulties he/she might be having...

I...
can feel the unbearable pain... when seeing everyone losing faith when we failed to meet our expectations and the undescibeable joy booming inside us when we sang very well and everyone of us met our own expectations.

I smile happily, really, my heart smile... not because we sing in tune with perfect volume... maybe partly because of that but mostly because the whole choir was focused and i can feel the determination to sing well and that we've finally able to sing correctly after all the multiple times of failures. I'm more confidence and i'll smile to them and show that they have did well, and this is the best part because when i smile, they smile back... i'm yearning for this... this is what they should be showing to the audience... the confidence, the happiness, the joy, the smiles, our attention and motivation that we're happy to sing to YOU AND WE ENJOY SINGING ON-STAGE AND BACK-STAGE!!!!!

You won't understand...

Hmm, i'm doomed la... Jin guang guang guang have yet to reply me... guess i'll just sit and wait and rot? or i'll murder him and make cluedo out of him? HaHa!! okay, what kind of english is that...Wait, i've to emphasise something... if these few days he really kena murdered please hor it's not me... you should know that was only meant to be a joke. HaHa!! Choy choy!!

Sianz, guess this kind of game only that triple As freak can come up with a wonderful plot.

Sick of the state i'm in now. I always feel this during holiday. ALWAYS and this is the worst so far... i'm always busier during the holidays. I think i'm considering to quit helping the YEC after this supernova camp '07. i need time for myself, to be more relaxed, less tensed and go back to a more cheerful girl. For choir mah... i'll just find time to go back after my O levels. If i really feel crippled or half-hearted in helping out in choir stuff than i'll just apologise for making a false statement on stalking choir after graduating and find a brand new environment to start a new.

Did i mention that i would like to graduate and go to schools that will prevent me from meeting any choir members? i really can't breathe with their presence. i feel suffocated though i really really like them a lot? i don't know how to explain... i'm confused. So, i really hope that i can score well for o levels please!!! i guess a brand new environment will suit me bah since i'm really sick and tired of fighting this battle alone, meeting so many obstacles that are caused by people i like, respect or even love. Why are they making things difficult for me? i thought we're friends?

you're unsatisfied with me, you think that everything i come up with is bad... and why don't you go and settle your own stuff first before coming to me when i've already planned and prepared while you're still in the midst of completing your stuff at the very last minute? and the things that you suggested are unreasonable and could not be done? you made me feel that you're picking on me by making minor problems into big ones...

humans have to learn to conquer all setbacks but do know that too much setbacks are bad for health. Sick. And sorry, though i'm matured in thinking but i'm still human who will break down and cry her heart out if i can't bear things any longer. Sometimes, silent crying is a pretty good way to stimulate drowsiness which is a good thing when i'm always suffering from insomnia. i know clearly crying won't help much. i won't cry over little things but when little things accumulate into one huge chunk, it's just too much for me.

Gosh, sadness has turn into anger.

One good thing is just that my family is not giving me problem by telling me their problems though i know i do have a share BUT not now please... i might just suffer from depression, mental disorder or even change into a completely different person. someone whom no one can recognise... someone whom everyone will not notice... someone whom the world can abandon...

Struggling..., shall just stop now. Too emotional today...

Disaster 16

13th March '07
Tuesday
10.54PM

Disaster!!! Now i can see how 'smart' i am huh? I'm just simply dumb. Stupid. Useless and someone who simply can't follow what i've planned. Argh!!! *cries*

Disaster 15

11th March '07
Monday
8.18PM

I think this coming holiday i'm going to be so super busy as always... and i'm really terrified of the upcoming choir camp. I'm lack of confidence. Can you guys encourage me and give me your support? to make it a successful one which everyone will enjoy and leave a wonderful memory behind?

I want it to be successful but i got this weird feeling telling me that it's something impossible to achieve. I'm tired, all drained out... i wanted to take a rest but you think i can? Even though i physically wanted to but my head was telling me to stop thinking about giving up and JUST DO IT.

I don't know to laugh or to smile or to cry... but in order to succeed, you must first have a group of very disciplined, enthu and determined members or assistant. Well, from what i see, i don't think i have any... Especially when they are giving me rubbish work. Gosh, i don't know. If this choir only has these few hand-full of people putting their whole heart and soul into it, then it shouldn't be called or it will not be fit to even be called a choir. Choir is all about unity. you don't have to have potential in singing but when everyone unite, we're motivated to achieve our GOLD and this will make achieving that a much easier mission.

Maybe the way we handle things could not satisfy everyone but we all have to learn from our mistakes. we're not born a genius. there are no such thing as born genius because genius are trained to be genius. They are not born genius... Gosh, what the hell am i talking about?

Hmm, i'm not disappointed in today's choir practice but just hope to achieve a GOLD this time so that we can raise our heads high and won't have to put out heads down and endure from all the humiliation we've gotten. And, also to prove to the people who always think that they are that great and who are not satisfied with the way we handle things WRONG!

All these things could not be achieve by one person alone but ALL OF US HAVE TO PUT IN EFFORT and Patience to see the result. Don't grumble! Push yourself to your limit! Just bear with a few more months and all hardwork will pay off. We shall cry happy tears and make joyful noises!! GO GO GO CHOIR!!!

Disaster 14

10th March '07
Sunday
11.19PM

Just want to show off something which i don't thing you guys will be interested to know... HaHA!!

I Dreamt About Michael Jackson!!! Aw... My favourite MJ appeared in my dream!!! TODAY IS 10th March '07 and he appeared in the morning!!! Wow!!! HaHa!! Man, can't believe i actually dreamt about him.

But well, it's nothing good. He chided me for taking video of him and posted it on web... T.T

Gosh, why does it seemed to be exactly the same as what happened to me when i posted video of m-pact onto youtube.com? T.T

Oh ya, talking about grannys visiting today... i met my uncle once again!! HoHo!!! Have i ever mentioned about my uncle? Though he's already in his thirties or forties... He looked damn dashing and charming and swarve... Gosh, my relatives all look so shuai de leh... i think it's genes lo... i just don't understand why i don't have it. Hmm, HaHa!! No, i should say i've inherited their genes...!!! I'm not a total beauty but i'm cute. Ke ai de ke lian... T.T HaHa!!

Well, it's all fate. Maybe in my next life... i will be a man. Then, i'll look better. =)

Sianz, today average lah... don't know whether i'm sway or lucky.

Hmmm, ... i want friends!!! I want to be MYSELF!

Disaster 13

10th March '07
Saturday
12.40AM

Gosh, that dumb computer spoilt, the monitor goes with it man. What a pair! Worst of all, i suffer a great loss. All my files gone liao!!!! Argh!!!! MY CHOIR FILES!!! MY CHOIR MEMBERS PROFILE!!!! I never do back-up LEH!!!

Sianz, ... And, mummy bought a new monitor... It's so huge lo... having difficulties in handling it... GOSH!!! But will be very wonderful to have this new monitor COZ... when watch VCDs that time very shuang... HAHAHA so huge!

Disaster 9

9th March '07
Friday
6.06PM

The 12 sheng xiao went to make Jersey today... Mine was Tie-girl... Shit sia... at first it was long lor then i'll call myself the power of the dragon... in the end, ... MUST BE THAT SI HAYDEN. Suan le, i've got a nice name for myself... now i'm not that upset. =) TIE GIRL you read it fast... it sounds like tiger!!! Whheeee!!! Just like my blog's name. MUSIC!

Hmmm, Nightwalk is driving me crazy. I don't know what i'm typing... i woke up at 1plus in the afternoon... on the lousy computer and started squezing my brain juice... But after 5 hours of squeezing... my brain is now dried... and the work produce is... YUCKS!!! i don't know what i'm typing?!?!?! AAAAAAAAAAh~~~~!!! i wish weslie could help me out!!! That triple As Freak!!!!

Okay, jin guang guang guang guang will help me instead... that 3 helpers i got are so useless de... cannot come meeting... lazy come meeting... scared come meeting... AAAAAh!!! they can't be bothered de lah jsut on that day help... sianz... i keep having weird dreams these few days...

one is about ms lye wanted to teach me singing... she wanted me to become a superSTAR! HoHOHo!! another i forgot. hmm, i'll try to recall... maybe i'll skip today's meeting and finish up my dear beloved choir proposal... Man, got so many things to collaborate. I'll cook it!!! HAHAHAHAAHA!!! i won't let people consume it when it's raw. well, must remember we're not japanese and we're not stone age people... we don't eat raw food... so i'll make sure the proposal is properly-cooked. Man, hell... i'm confused.

HMMMM, study study... NO TIME!!! LUAN ARH!!!!!!!

Disaster 8

8th March '07
Thursday
7.00 PM

Yeah a disaster!! The computer broke down yesterday and i've no choice but to use this computer which is quite hard to handle neh... And, all my important information all stored in the broken one... NOW, I'M DEAD!!!

Gosh, everytime say back up back up... people back up files all stored in computer mah.. never expect computer to break down... SO SUDDEN!!!! Files all gone!!! Shit!!!! I'm dead.

And, i've made up my mind. Since i can't go NSW... 'coz you still have to at least get a A level cert... i might as well just go JC or Poly then go NUS... *sigh* I thought can take short cut then straight go NSW after o level... now no more short cut then shall just let fate decide where i go.

I'll just take o level and go persue the best school and best course my grade can get me to. =) No need to think liao... My goal is just to finish school fast but since now cannot work liao then jiu suan le bah...

Okay, computer spoil... Nightwalk proposal has to re-do... choir camp schedule and physical training proposal has to re-do... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!! GIVE ME MORE TIME!!!!!!

Mrs chua say she look at my face she know i'm those who can take stress... even if i'm stress i also smile smile laugh laugh de... ya lah obviously BUT when the stress too HUGE arh... i won't be able to take the blow... MY COMPUTER!!!!!

Disaster 7

7th March '07
Wednesday
3.18PM


Sore. Not recovering and my head aches SO MUCH. Okay, it's still bearable but i feel so sick and hot air is blowing out from my nostrils... so uncomfortable leh... Suan le, i can still laugh, walk, run, see, think... my sickness never cause much trouble for me. Glad. OR ELSE!!

Hate panadol though i took it frequently a few years back when i was in Sec. 2... i was too focus on studies i went bonkers and have migrains often... panadol was my friend back then... NOW... I HATE IT!! Never want to take it if possible. I never expect myself to find panadol getting super stinky nowadays... maybe the last one i took was a rotten one. panadol rot? Who cares!

Ya i've to thank all my friends for the concern especially timothy... i don't know what's happening to him but he's getting so considerate noawayds... when Shi Han looked sick today, he was very concern and when he found me sleeping in class... he never ask me out for a game of badminton? HaHa!!! Okay, hmm, what does this got to do with him being considerate?

Okay, well, anyway usually when he INVITE me to play badminton with him, i'll reject him straight la because i hate playing badminton when i was in my school uniform... HOW TO PLAY?? And, i stressed, I CAN TRASH TIMOTHY EASILY because i know his weakness!! (he can never hit pass the net... the shuttle cock just stuck on the net when he hit it... i only lose when he SMASHED/SMACKED. whatever you call it. o.<) Hmmm, next time when i'm free lo but most likely during june holidays that time la. =) Then, we can have a game before throwing ourselves back to the pool of books awaiting for us to 'sayang' them... to tear them apart!!! HoHo!!! Shit Me. Hmm, i've some photos to share... i took them with my phone and I LOOK SO... ALRIGHT!!! HaHa!! that's why i'm showing it... HeHe. But i regret not taking the over-sized costume the concord primary girls wore on Sunday... T.T WASTED!!! So cute lo...







Photos!!!

This is Weslie and his son!!! HaHa!! Okay, those who went for the concert should know what the hell is happening... HAHAHAHA!!




Guess who is this... He's shy so he doesn't want to take photo. Not sporty at all... Others all so sporty. Well, i look quite retarded but suan le... I managed to took one with Alvin but it's on his phone... Argh!!! I'll ask him to send it to me. =) HoHo!!

Gosh, see that lazy cat sleeping soundly there?!?! It's dumb okay... i was approaching it and it didn't move an inch... what if i'm an evil cat catcher whatever you call it?? Char!! Hmm, but i love the pose when it is sleeping... tell me where got cat sleep this way de?!?! HAHAHA!!!! KE AI~~

Kkk, this is bad... i only managed to upload two photos here... the dumb blogger is down when i wanted to upload more... SHIT!!! I got to show you guys my favorite favorite keyboard!!!! And, my ice-kachang!!! And, my brother!!!! And, my other friends!!!!!! Gosh... Lousy Blogger.

This is my favorite keyboard!!! It's exactly the same as the one i normally used when conducting sectional training with my altos during choir practice. WHHEEEE!!!! I love it man and i learnt twinkle twinkle little star from this keyboard!!! He's a great teacher!!! Yeah, a guy... Bahaha!!!

And, my throat!!! Still so sore!!! Gosh, i felt better eating laksa but it got worst after eating laksa... shit.... don't know leh, the spice just flow down my very sore throat and i felt so SHUANG!!! However, after eating the sore got worst and i'm losing my voice... NOOOOoooo!!! Luckily, Firday no choir practice. Hah! 'coz of last monday's practice i've no choice but to sing out loud in the end, my sorethroat got worst!!! Man, how?

Disaster 6

6th March '07
4.42PM

Gosh this is bad. I'm having a terrible sorethroat and actually it wasn't that serious yesterday but after singing loudly when i shouldn't be... My throat decided to organised a demonstration to show me THEIR TRUE POWER!! Now, seriously, when i cough slightly, my head will shake a little and ache a little. And, today when i was studying in class, the Earth is trembling as though there is an Earthquake and that the school is going to collaspe anytime!

Of course, i will not let it happen because i don't wish to die so soon yet! I've got so many things that i've yet accomplished! Oh yeah share with you this funny little thing that happen on Sunday when Shazlin, Hong xiang (and his parents), Weslie, Alvin, Andrew and I went to the NUS choir concert... The concord primary school choir was invited to sing AND IT WAS AWESOME!! There were tiny little kids who can't fit into those oversized nightie-looking costume. AND THEY LOOK DAMN CUTE!! Tell you arh... this is the only moment i find kids CUTE!

Small young kids like the current sec. 1s and my brother... i can hardly stand them. They are VERY VOCAL and very qian bian. They ask silly questions, questions that you will never think of! Hate kids now la... Now, i enjoy and prefer working with adults OLDER than me. =)

Okay, very sick and sore now... sianz. Later i got to go TECC.

Disaster 4

2nd March '07
11.49PM

Upset OVER CHOIR.

Disaster 3

1st March '07
Thusday

Read more about Y2. HaHa!! If you can spare some time lo...

Strategic

The Strategic theme enables you to sort through the clutter and find the best route. It is not a skill that can be taught. It is a distinct way of thinking, a special perspective on the world at large. This perspective allows you to see patterns where others simply see complexity. Mindful of these patterns, you play out alternative scenarios, always asking, "What if this happened? Okay, well what if this happened?" This recurring question helps you see around the next corner. There you can evaluate accurately the potential obstacles. Guided by where you see each path leading, you start to make selections. You discard the paths that lead nowhere. You discard the paths that lead straight into resistance. You discard the paths that lead into a fog of confusion. You cull and make selections until you arrive at the chosen path-your strategy. Armed with your strategy, you strike forward. This is your Strategic theme at work: "What if?" Select. Strike.

Communication

You like to explain, to describe, to host, to speak in public, and to write. This is your Communication theme at work. Ideas are a dry beginning. Events are static. You feel a need to bring them to life, to energize them, to make them exciting and vivid. And so you turn events into stories and practice telling them. You take the dry idea and enliven it with images and examples and metaphors. You believe that most people have a very short attention span. They are bombarded by information, but very little of it survives. You want your information-whether an idea, an event, a product's features and benefits, a discovery, or a lesson-to survive. You want to divert their attention toward you and then capture it, lock it in. This is what drives your hunt for the perfect phrase. This is what draws you toward dramatic words and powerful word combinations. This is why people like to listen to you. Your word pictures pique their interest, sharpen their world, and inspire them to act.

Includer

(formerly Inclusiveness) "Stretch the circle wider." This is the philosophy around which you orient your life. You want to include people and make them feel part of the group. In direct contrast to those who are drawn only to exclusive groups, you actively avoid those groups that exclude others. You want to expand the group so that as many people as possible can benefit from its support. You hate the sight of someone on the outside looking in. You want to draw them in so that they can feel the warmth of the group. You are an instinctively accepting person. Regardless of race or sex or nationality or personality or faith, you cast few judgments. Judgments can hurt a person's feelings. Why do that if you don't have to? Your accepting nature does not necessarily rest on a belief that each of us is different and that one should respect these differences. Rather, it rests on your conviction that fundamentally we are all the same. We are all equally important. Thus, no one should be ignored. Each of us should be included. It is the least we all deserve.

Competition

Competition is rooted in comparison. When you look at the world, you are instinctively aware of other people's performance. Their performance is the ultimate yardstick. No matter how hard you tried, no matter how worthy your intentions, if you reached your goal but did not outperform your peers, the achievement feels hollow. Like all competitors, you need other people. You need to compare. If you can compare, you can compete, and if you can compete, you can win. And when you win, there is no feeling quite like it. You like measurement because it facilitates comparisons. You like other competitors because they invigorate you. You like contests because they must produce a winner. You particularly like contests where you know you have the inside track to be the winner. Although you are gracious to your fellow competitors and even stoic in defeat, you don't compete for the fun of competing. You compete to win. Over time you will come to avoid contests where winning seems unlikely.

Self-Assurance

Self-assurance is similar to self-confidence. In the deepest part of you, you have faith in your strengths. You know that you are able-able to take risks, able to meet new challenges, able to stake claims, and, most important, able to deliver. But Self-assurance is more than just self-confidence. Blessed with the theme of Self-assurance, you have confidence not only in your abilities but in your judgment. When you look at the world, you know that your perspective is unique and distinct. And because no one sees exactly what you see, you know that no one can make your decisions for you. No one can tell you what to think. They can guide. They can suggest. But you alone have the authority to form conclusions, make decisions, and act. This authority, this final accountability for the living of your life, does not intimidate you. On the contrary, it feels natural to you. No matter what the situation, you seem to know what the right decision is. This theme lends you an aura of certainty. Unlike many, you are not easily swayed by someone else's arguments, no matter how persuasive they may be. This Self-assurance may be quiet or loud, depending on your other themes, but it is solid. It is strong. Like the keel of a ship, it withstands many different pressures and keeps you on your course.

Yes, THIS IS SO ME!!!

Source taken from strengthsquest.

Disaster 2

1st March '07
Thursday
3.33PM

Gosh! So fast?!?! Thursday? I'm going crazy... Ma, i don't know lah if i'm considered super sway or super lucky... When something bad happened, it seemed that everything will go back to normal very soon. Well, my thumbdrive was picked up by NIC NIC NIC!!! OOOooooooz!! DA HAO REN!!! Super good friend!!! If my friend kena this kind of situation, i'll still have to consider whether to help him or her... he never one leh... he just HELPED! Hahahaha!!!

Hmmm, very cold today. I was doing a maths paper and trembling at the same time. NO!! I shall save up fast fast fast so that i can get the 100+ jacket-cum-poncho-cum-sweater aiya whatever shit... HoHo!! so style so useful so COOL!!

I want to get 1 more pillow too. I find 2 pillows totally not enough to sleep nicely. Though it's been quite some time since i last sprained my neck, i still feel the need to sleep comfortably and SECURELY... (whatever you call it... as long as you understand.) Hmm, with one on my back, another to kiap, another on my neck. HoHoHoHo!!! Nice, comfortable and secured. I don't mean sanitary pad. HAHAHAHA!!! Okay, not funny... =.="

I forgot what i wanted to blog... Oh! yeah, these few days offended, bugged, stalked, irritate quite a number of people. And, find many of my good friends a bunch of selfish, qian bian and wang ba dan wang ba dan. ARGH!!! And, haiya choir... so sick.

The March Choir Camp and the two people quarreling... i really wanted to beat them up leh... very qian bian. They really need to reflect lo. SO childish, so irritating, so selfish... DAMN. I know not all are perfect but jsut try very hard not to cross your limit and spare a thought for others lo... sianz...

Hmmm, tomorrow is the release of the results.... FOR THE A LEVEL STUDENTS!!!

WESLIE!!!! GO GO GO!!!

These few days so sway so i've left with no super blessed super good super luck to share with him.... he kao zi ji la....

Anyway, he's a genius so he will have no problem passing and excelling... HOHOHOHO!!! Wish you good LUCK, Weslie Khoo Yu Heng.

Mei da mei xiao... don't care lah since he's leaving... going to cut botak, and off he goes to NS!!!! Wheeee!!!

Yeah, i'll request for him to help me buy my 3-in-1 sweater there... 'coz army man got discount. =)

MUST TRAIN UNTIL FIT FIT COME back... don't lose to firdaus and benjamin, your juniors, again... i meant over arm wrestling... (okay, he's going to kill me if he sees this part...) =)