Too much of a explanation.

30th May '07
Wednesday
11.30pm

By the way, i got to mention this... (if you think i am defending for my friends, then so be it! well, i am bias... that's why first impression is very very important... once labelled, forever labelled.) Still, trying hard to get rid of that DARK PIECE OF SHADOW you've created in my memory...

Okay, here it comes... YOU!!! listen up! i didn't reply to your tag. I merely announced it on my blog entry that i am going to choir camp so that EVERYONE will know... (because everyone has been asking me about it, not only you...) So, don't misunderstood.

And, you don't say such rude things to my friend because you seriously have created so much troubles and problems to us, i really can't bring myself to get rid of the super bad experience i've encountered after meeting and knowing you. It is just so hard to accept you again. Who knows what you will bring next!

I tell myself to forgive and forget but sorry to say that, my brain doesn't think this way. I don't have a big and gracious heart... i mind so much when friends lie... you find it hard to trust them again and what's the point to make up when i no longer trust you as what friends should do?

And, i can never forget how you lie to me time and time again... i gave you chances and you abuse them each time (so you think i always give chance? and that i've already exposed you and you still refused to admit your mistakes!!). You are the culprit to have make this friendship an impossible. Blame yourself then and stop trying to defend for your mistakes. I had enough! I guess, i just need time (a very very ultra long one) to recover...

I thought i am someone who can help you... who can help you change for the better and better your life with more friends... in the end, both of us are hurt in the process. And, i have no wish to help you anymore.

Talk to you once, i thought you understand. Talk to you twice, i thought you understand. Talk to you thrice, i thought you understand. In the end, it's me who understand something. That is... i am unable to help you. I have no patience and i just hate and despise people who lie to friends lah... i mean if you lie (in joking manner) obviously, it's okay! However, if otherwise, i will just say "bye bye" to you.

You are the only person who can help yourself lah. Stop depending on others to help you and stop blaming others for the state you're in today. I can't be bothered to help you anymore. Don't pin any hope because it's just so tough for us to remain as friends.

I don't want to repeat all these again lah... since it's a waste of time! And after graudating (myself), i guess we should all just forget about each other and start a new! My life is once darken by you and when it show signs of brightening, you came with a downpour and steal my sunshine away...

Okay, enough of my explanation and craps...(why do i have to bother to type so much?) HA HA HA!! dumb. Those bad memories came flooding my mind... I've already forgotten there is such a person existing and she appeared again! I know i am very mean to say that... and i know it will hurt you by saying all these... but you just got to take this and reflect upon it lo. After all, i am not the only person who has been saying all these... ask yourself why are people thinking this way and why people avoid you and outcast you... (but please don't ask others... i believe they have told you the answers but you just can't get it... SO, find the answer by yourself!)

Let's change topic!

Oh man, i've so many missions to complete... Can any kind soul bring me to concourse? Mdm Yue told me it's near Bugis but i'm a Singapore-retard, so i still don't know how to get there after her attempts to guide me to my DESTINATION by drawing the map of Bugis? x) I need to get some stuff for SYF celebration and i got to know the answer... by MONDAY! T.T

Of course, i have others to complete but it's impossible for me to finish them all at one go. Oh yeah, i spent an hour reading through my past testimonials (i've received from friends) and... found that being a discipline IC in sec. 1 & 2 seemed to be a mistake huh? I'm fierce in everyone's mind... for screaming at the class for them to shut their big mouth. Well, nevermind i couldn't deny the fact that i am fierce at times... when i am mad. I can't control my emotions... bad at it.

Oh yeah! I maybe ONCE crazy over F4 but i'm not as crazy as you think i was in the past... i do buy their albums but don't you think some of their songs are nice? That's why i bought them mah... Not despising them or what, but my craze over them faded away quite long ago... Still, i admire them. After all, they are the ones who 'introduce' me to music. My once asleep soul was awaken by that only song "meteor rain"... well, they might not be very good singers (even until now) but i can't sing this song well you-know? The chorus is always hard to reach... impressive!

Yes, even up till today, i still think they lack singing techniques but one thing that amazed me is that they don't really depend on their looks anymore but real capabilities lah... Setting up their own companies, working with international singers, filming movie, ... i was surprised they can survive the ordeal! Enough of crap...

Tomorrow is vesak day and i can sleep late tonight! I went to TPJC concert today and was amused. Their last few pieces, coordinated with some humourous actions, really live up the whole atmosphere and bring a fresh new smile on the audience!

However, the alumni must really work doubly hard from now on because the piece "stand by me", was horribly sung and i almost (really) faint! 80% of the time is out-of-tune and even when they were in tune, their voices don't match each others'! PRSS Choir a cappella can do a much better job then them! Buck up lah, alumni!

Sorry to say that... but i am proud of my prss a cappella... all the batches have do so well i can't help boasting. x) Overall, the choir did well.

To tell you the truth, i have been in choir for 4 years but i can't really appreciate choral singing. I got to take a look at the scores, sing them myself, got a rough idea of how it's like... then i am confident to give comments on the choral singing. x)

Tonight, there isn't much pitching problems. Good Job lor providing that they have to sing ten over pieces!! It's just so hard to learn so many pieces and portray the MANY songs well so... NICE WORK!

Oh yesterday was quite an awesome day. x) I was online till 1plus this morning. Cool, right? Have a nice long chat... it's been such a long time since i do that! But, i am not going to get addicted because it's quite bad for health... i realised there are signs of pimples appearing... Yikes!

Guess who i talk to? Jason! Maybe not many know him except for the YEC people but this guy is number 2 in my idol list for having a company at the age of 19! However, after the long chat, he has totally ruined the image i had in him... and i guess, knowing too much really is... too much! HA HA HA HA!! Basically, i new crapper i've met.

I wanted another Night Cycling so hopefully, he can organised another one again... maybe for fun one lor no need to be a big event. HA HA HA that only involve friends. In this way, it's faster to settle and so, it is possible to have one in JUNE, the month i confirmed plus guarantee can go and the month, camilia also has a higher chance to go!

Yeah, last Night Cycling Camilia wasnted to go but it's during exam period so she can't make it. If june holiday, she can! Sianz, don't know if it's possible not. MISSION LIKELY IMPOSSIBLE. HA HA HA HA!!

Romeo and Juliet.

29th May '07
Tuesday
7.35pm

I wanted to start on a new book though i've not finished naruto but i guess an english book and chinese book at one go will certainly improve my efficency. I am beginning to fall in love with Romeo and Juliet. Well, actually this is a famous play by walliam shakespears and everyone knows it. However, ask yourself i you have ever finish the whole original text? We only know the relationship of romeo and juliet but the story actually doesn't just involve this two characters. =)

I find it boring at first but realised it is quite interesting after reading this,

"Rebellious subjects, enemies to peace,Profaners of this neighbour-stained steel,--Will they not hear? What, ho! you men, you beasts,That quench the fire of your pernicious rageWith purple fountains issuing from your veins,On pain of torture, from those bloody handsThrow your mistemper'd weapons to the ground,And hear the sentence of your moved prince.Three civil brawls, bred of an airy word,By thee, old Capulet, and Montague,Have thrice disturb'd the quiet of our streets,And made Verona's ancient citizensCast by their grave beseeming ornaments,To wield old partisans, in hands as old,Canker'd with peace, to part your canker'd hate:If ever you disturb our streets again,Your lives shall pay the forfeit of the peace.For this time, all the rest depart away:You Capulet; shall go along with me:And, Montague, come you this afternoon,To know our further pleasure in this case,To old Free-town, our common judgment-place.Once more, on pain of death, all men depart."

chim is chim... and because it is chim, i am so interested to find out the true meaning. I guess this is one big challenge for me... to complete this book. Good Luck! I guess even after i finish Naruto, i haven't finish Romeo and Juliet. HA HA HA HA!!!

Burning Away.

28th May '07
Monday
10.14PM

Ya, i am going to choir camp '07 but i don't think the planning si going to go smoothly... and i just can't bring myself to START RUSHING AND RUSHING PEOPLE to start their work. Idiot. Yeah, i have too much in mind these few days. Why are all these happening??? Why can't i just settle down??? Argh! Ying Ying, JIAY YOU!

I was overcomed by a strong sense of emptiness today. Yeah, feeling real empty, my mind and my everything! I guess i have to distract myself by doing other things, if not, it's not going to end and they are just repeating themselves all over and over again in my mind. idiot.

That's it!

Brain Attack

24th May '07
Thursday
9.18PM

I've been thinking a lot lately because i've been having weird dreams, stoning, rushing some stuffs, and doing some normal or some extraordinary things these few days. I felt that i am slowly losing the ability to differentiate between right and wrong, between normal and extraordinary, between good and bad.

Don't feel that well (mentally). I am still physically fit. Well, i am someone who doesn't fall sick easily because i am trained by myself to adapt to very bad environment. I've been living in that room in which germs and bacteria have thrive for the last few months and i am totally fine. I can eat expired can food and feel nothing at all while my parents might not be able to take it.

My body is just so fit and healthy, always ready to fight against any dummies who tried to attack me. They are just finding their own death. Mmmmm, even so, i don't feel that well mentally. I am not mentally exhausted but just quite upset about thinking so much. And worst, i don't know what i am thinking of or worrying about.

Got to find the answer quick before i start going crazy and doing crazy stuff. Tomorrow is my didi's birthday and i know what to get for him for his birthday present. He He... a super ultra sharpener since he likes to sharpen his pencils until their height are halved then he is pleased and start writing BEFORE he sharpens them again...

I am glad holidays are coming, not because i can slack or what, just because there are camps i am looking forward to go to. After June holidays, maybe i woudln't worry that much anymore. And, i really have to put all worries down and focus on my studies before i started crying because i can't get into my dream JC.

I actually wanted to go Victoria Junior College after learning that their choir is the top 8 international or national choir. i was so tempted to go and join them in singing... However, looking and judging on my currrent results and progress, this is totally impossible. Still, Victoria Junir College shall be my dream JC even if anyone were to comment any negative about it.

More realistic ones would be Meridian Junior College which Botak has been using propoganda to physco me to attend this after graduating from Pasir Ris Secondary School. Mmmm, he's not the main culprit because i heard that Meridian Junior College Choir's conductor/instructor is also the one who taught VJC's choir.

So, yeah... i am passionate about singing... not about choir. By joining choir, i learn more about singing and make a step closer to BETTER-singing. I am not really crazy over choir... just crazy over PRSS choir. Understand? I don't know how to explain lah...

Has been a while since i blogged (around 3 days?) because i've been hooked onto Alien Nations which is a game similar to age of empire... it's just that it's more challenging then age of empire because you got to really rule this empire carefully and efficiently before making your attacks and conquer the whole world. Now, i have a hard time maintaining my own empire. My people are facing famine. *sigh*

I did build ten over plantations so that they won't starve but they were like rice-bucket (fan tong), depleting all the food and food reserves i've saved for rainy days. So, i have got to learn to limit my population before this population boom worsen the starvation in my country.

Also, i realise that the resources are so limited in that world and i've already chopped off all the trees and almost finishing the resources i can ever find in that world. World, you got to grow more trees and better, grow forests!

Planet Earth, you're are not in this state too right? You're still fit and healthy like me right? Hah! Fat hope! with humans "ruling" this Earth, we can all forget about ruling it forever. This is called in chinese "man xing zi sha". (a slow suicide)

Oh well, and other countries are attacking me as well though my military is, of course, stronger then theirs, due to my efficient training skills. Other countries proposed armistice and i accepted them BUT they betrayed the trust i have in them and attack me without a warning after they have recovered from their previous losses! A bunch of idiots!

Too bad there are no such things as allies amongst countries. Even so, i believe that i can still handle them. Har! Stupid game, how can like that de lor! Teach kids to go back on their words! Nevermind, now i have to save my country from famine lah... war i still can handle... Expanding my country and building more villages... i guess i will sectioned them one by one.

Village one will take charge of the defence force
Village two will take charge of the whole entire population's stomach
Village three will take charge of fulfilling the population's need (stupid cake-baking!)
Village four will take charge of providing raw materials for producing weapons

Yay! Strategies! Try tomorrow and see if it will work not... Hope it works!

Finally.

21st May '07
Monday
04.45PM

Finally, it's all well again that dumb blogger... but i've got used to friendster-blogging. HOW? Should i change? Yuji said i should get a myspace instead because he said it's convenient. Mmmmm, i am really tempted. I am always pretty good at adapting to brand new things... so i wonder if i should have all three or just keep one.

Mine mine... oh actually i have 4 blogs but the active ones (recently) are friendster, XXX (a secret!) and this blogspot (which i am using it now). The one i have abandon long ago is msn space because i can't use my favourite template or make my own template. And though friendster blog doesn't have that function but i find it very convenient to communicate with friends.

I haven't blog about choir SYF day and yes, after today's talk (a boring one!) by Ms Cheng, Ms Ung and Ms Chua, i am so tempted to blog about everything on that day (choir SYF '07) and i hope you guys won't find it too lengthy or boring. =)

I shall copy and paste all these to friendster blog too. =) i am a loyal friendster user.

Remember it was Mmmmm, 24th April '07 alright and i was feeling nothing. HA HA! I think i was all frozen because i tried to find out how i was feeling when i woke up early the morning but found myself one-head-fog-water (yi tou wu shui). HA HA!! Guess what time i woke up? 5.30AM!! For the sake of choir, i woke up so damn early. This is a rare occurence you-see? i will never wake up so early and best was that i actually woke up all by myself without the need for anyone to wake me up.

I reach school at 6.20am and you find no one in school except for the school aunties and stall vendors. Benny was early. It wasn't long before my other alto members came and we had our best warm-up ever! We ran around the parade square without any grumblings. Or you can say they did grumble (some of them...) but others encourage them to run and WE ALL RAN!! Good Job, Alto!

And i ran more than them. Well, as sectional leader, you just have to set an example. i believe if you were me, you would have did the same thing. I accompanied xin min to run another few rounds because she came late and was SHY to run alone. I was sweating when we all gathered around at the paino to start our FINAL LAST SECTIONAL TRAINING.

I was quite disappointed with some of my alto members because they came late. i mean is like they requested for this last sectional training before we set off. i can choose to reject your request and sleep an hour more but i didn't and came early even. Now, you're late and you don't seem to care at all. One sorry is not going to compensate for that disappointment, okay? You don't seemed to take this SYF seriously and i was really mad and upset. And, this is not the first or second time. Well, forget it.

To me, since you requested for this last sectional, i, as sectional leader, have no reason to turn down this request and i was really glad and pleased to hear that when you guys told me you wanted a sectional early the morning before we set off. I know that this early sectional is not going to make any difference but just hoping to boost your morale a little bit and not to let you feel unprepared and panicky before the actually judging.

The sectional was really a short one because of all the disruption and interruption and i panicked because we sang so awfully... Alto, you must buck up! That's what i chanted when we finished sectional and report at the choir room. Feeling worried, and extremely uneasy and unsafe, i still put on the brightest smile i can ever FORK out...

Had a very normal warm-up with the choir. A warm-up without any running... this worries me you-know? Our vocals are not warmed up yet and how to sing well like that? Mmmmm, did we change first or warm up first? Anyway, we change while having breakfast (sandwiches) which tasted quite good. My heart wasn't pounding from the beginning though i was worried... it has been a rather strange day for me because i felt nothing at all (a little worried but that's it!). It's strange.

Perhaps, it was because of the years i've been in choir. Perhaps, it was because i was too NUMB to feel anything. Perhaps, my brain has automatically shut off top prevent myself from thinking too much. I really don't know.

The purple gown i've ironed the day before was really straight and this is the only gown i've ironed so nicely ever! HA HA HA! i've spent 1 hour working on it and i will miss my purple gown when i return it to the choir. i wonder if i will ever have another chance to wear it again. It's not as ugly as you think it is. I love the gown though the collar area irritates the skin. Compared to other schools, our gown are the best of the best! If i can purchase one, i will!!

Okay, cut it short, we boarded the bus and is on our way to Victoria Concert Hall. I was worried and sang silently in my heart, trying to see if i will forget any lyrics, dynamics, and whatever! So it di it while chatting with Shazlin. According to Dr. Chia, we should not be chattering like monkeys at this point of time, but i can't help me. I need a little laugh to relax.

Reach Victoria Concert Hall and saw quite a number of choirs outside. I was really proud at that time because our gown looked so much better. HA HA HA!! We had a small warm-up outside Victoria Concert Hall, with the help of the partable keyboard we've brought with us. One dumb school choir saw our keyboard and started laughing at us. Idiot. They are dummies who don't know how to treasure time and what's wrong with bringing keyboard? They have never seen one before? idiot.

Took photographs along the way and we took a few outside VCH... was a great photo though mdm yue isn't in the photo since she was the photographer. I was still feeling nothing UNTIL Ms Chua came with Ms Cheng. Know what? MY morale was instantly boosted! (what a nice lame sentence that doesn't seemed to sound right BUT it's true!)

Ms Chua has been a teacher i've respected a lot a lot though she was transfered to our school not long ago. I simply adore her and idolise her... She told us once that she might not be able to attend our SYF actual judging because it was during school time and she might have lesson. i was disappointed when she said that BUT she actually came and i was so surprised. I was so confident all of the sudden and wanted so badly to let her see my best performance ever!

We went to the rehearsal room and had our best rehearsal ever! The sound, projection, pitching, dynamics, mood and everything WAS THE BEST WE HAVE DONE SO FAR!! Everyone was nervous, scared and a little little excited. We went out of the rehearsal room, praising ourselves because we heard ourselves very clearly and find it pretty good.

It was the time! We stood outside, waiting for our turn to go up on stage to sing our hearts out. i kept reminding my fellow alto members (two weaker ones) to sing just softer because they love going flat or sharp. I reminded them times and times again. From rehearsal room to outside the threatre, i reminded them SO MANY TIMES (more than twenty times!) and i am serious about it.

We went up on stage and i felt the audience's presence. A whole load of them were sitting in front. i felt their excitement and i felt mine. i thought of my teachers sitting and looking at us, with high hopes but i was not pressurized. my mind, my heart, my body wanted one thing - enjoy singing the last time on stage.

I wanted to sing out my best and enjoy my last performance with the choir. i will miss them badly. It may sound very dramatic and exergerated but you never know how i felt that time and i showed a smile on my face. I was fully-prepared. very prepared.

I looked at Ms Lye. I felt it! The beauty of music, and a very amazing feeling overcomed me and made me feel like i was in paradise, singing away. i smiled like a dummy, wanted to show everyone how i enjoy myself on stage. This feeling is great! I have always love performing on stage. This is exactly the feeling i had when i was performing for the VOX concert '06! The confidence, passion and heart. A perfect combination!

At that time, i don't take SYF '07 as a competition or judging anymore. I felt that i was performing and i am going to perform the best out of the best! i am enjoying myself on stage... totally in my own world. I sang my heart out. I don't know how to describe the feeling of singing your heart out BUT finally, i understood what it means by singing your heart out ONCE AGAIN (other than the VOX concert).

However, i was soon disrupted when my little junior beside me sang out of tune! My heart broke. I turn, look at her, stared at her, frowned and hurried look back smiling. What was i thinking? Why did i look at her? WHY!? I did tell her to sing softly, right? And, why did she not listen and sang so loudly i can hear her so clearly? Angry but i can't think anymore about it. I continued singing and hope that the judges have not seen what i've did.

I was still smiling and you know how i enjoyed myself on stage? i don't know how to explain!!!!!!!!!! I wanted to tell you guys how i enjoy myself on stage but i can't find the right word!!!! Idiot!!!! I really enjoyed having so many eyes staring at me and people pinning high hopes one me! i love to see their anticipation though i did not notice the look or expression they have on their face but having audience to listen to you when you're singing IS REALLY AWESOME!

You felt a sense of achievement but more of happiness and joy! Real happy to sing for the audience. Real happy to be standing on stage. Real happy to be able to sing together with my choir and enjoy my last SYF with them.

There was a part, happiness turn to sorrow... "my heart was shaken with tears, and horror drifted away..."... i wanted to cry when singing this damn part. It really spoils your mood and i wanted to badly to cry... my heart shook, really. I trembled, not in fear but in sorrow. I felt upset, really upset without a reason. Perhaps, touched.

Moving with the music, i sang out proud with emotion. I am really becoming an emo freak because of music. Sorrow turned back to happiness very soon... "Oh but... everyone was a bird, and the song was wordless the singing will never be..." Though i don't feel myself flying like a bird, but i was happy once again with a smile on my smile. Ya, it was amazing.

I guess this is the best performance i have ever done so far and i can never do something as good as it again. Yes, it has taken 4 years to build this sense of belonging to choir. You think in JC or Poly's choir, you will have this amount of time to build a strong relationship with the choir members there? And also, everything is going to be different with a different group and a different conductress/conductor.

Even Ms fu, our instructor has told me she could see me enjoying on stage and i am very excited to see how i look on stage. i wanted to see the look on my face when i enjoy it so damn much. Well, after graduating, there is a chance, i might not be able to perform on stage anymore... i am going to miss performing on stage. i am not good at speaking, not a good speaker, but i can sing on stage, not a good singer but at least as a passionate singer.

I no longer feel afraid singing on stage and have completely got rid of damn stage-fright... with the help of PRSS Choir. LOVE PRSS CHOIR SO MUCH!

Mmmm, there are more to go leh... because next is result show.

Yes, went to board the bus back to school and everyone was so demotivated and shag all thanks to ourselves. We thought we've done badly because compared to singing in the rehearsal room... it's so much worst lor. Of course, our technique wasn't as good as the choir before us (RGS Choir) and we have sang Dancing Song faster and faster... totally out of tempo. We have made so much mistakes on stage and it's like a confirm plus guarantee to get a silver for sure with no hope of getting Gold.

I was very upset but there's nothing i can do... maybe a few grumbles because of yes yes yes... *sigh* Reach school with my classmates asking me about our performance and i was completely dumb and mute, can't bring myself to speak another word...

Mmmmmm, though i long expected what choir would have got but i still went to listen to the result. On the way there... i complaint and scolded myself. HA HA HA!! Dumb right? i question myself why am i still going back there when i know what to expect for the result. Why am i so stupid to be going back there for the result? What am i stil expecting for? Am i stil pinning some hope or what? I was struggling inside and hoping and praying for miracle to happen.

Reach victoria concert hall and waiting for the last choir to end their singing before going in for the result. Met Mrs Chua and Mdm Yue... Saw our two instructress... i was scared. This result is so important to me, my heart thundered. i wanted to hear Gold... i wanted so badly to hear GOLD.

I waited, impatiently, and i basically have no mood to say anything... i stone and stone and stone! yeah, and my thoughts ran wild like they are being chased my monsters!!! HA HA HA!!! I don't know what was i thinking... but they ran wild without any sense of direction... blank!

It took the judges so long before the results are being announced. In the meanwhile, i was so nervous... too nervous... very nervous... i soon felt exhausted and slept a little while (just two minutes) before they started announcing the result. I took a deep breathe, held my camera on my hands and video it all down...

"XXX Choir, Bronze. XXX Choir, C.O.P. XXX Choir, Bronze. XXX Choir, C.O.P. ..." I was sooooooooo shocked to hear schools getting bronze and Certificate of participation repeatedly.... i felt light and wanted to faint. I gave up hope... totally lost hope in getting Gold and even silver. I know... that PRSS Choir, is going to get not even a silver. I am dead. I have did a lousy job. I am a failure.

Then, ...
The person announced, "Pasir Ris Secondary School..."

I gasped! I clenched my fist so hard and felt so cold.

"GOLD."

I stunned. I couldn't believe my ears! Could she repeat that? Is that really us? A gold? OH MY GOD!! A MIRACLE!!!! I scream after stunning.... everyone scream... though we only have a few people with us, we screamed the loudest!!! I COULD NOT BELIEVE MY EARS!! THIS IS... i don't know...

i can't stand it man... tears filled my eyes and i started pouring like i've never did before. i cried just like a baby being beaten up badly! HA HA HA!! yeah, i know i look awful but i was so touched. It was tears of joy! It Was Tears Of Joy!!!!!!!!!! IT WAS TEARS OF JOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mrs Chua pass me a tissue but it wasn't enough! I can't stop crying... Yeah, a tough girl will still have moments, she can't take it anymore and cry lor! HA HA HA!! recalling now, i am crazy to be crying... i should be jumping up and down after hearing the result!

Alas! PRSS Choir GOT A GOLD! A dream come true!

Fits so well: Nothing is impossible, impossible is nothing.

I will never ever never ever never ever forget this day.

Basking In Sorrow...

I've betrayed myself again... Sneaking to use the computer. HaHa!!! Got backache today... it's like the whole upper body is going to be detached from my legs anytime. I'm terried by the A Maths test but i think it's time to surrender. I've given up hope on A. Maths. I can't do a single question... dead. Questions all about functions, i can't do any of them. I stared at the paper like a retard... and countdown. When i finish flipping through the paper... i still left 1 hour to sleep.

No matter how hard i tried, cannot means cannot... i can't understand and get what the question is trying to say. If i never fail this A Maths paper, then i shall donate 100 million dollars to the world charity foundation. Though i don't have the money but only by describing it this way then you realise how impossible it is to pass the paper. HaHa!! Lame is lame... but well, it's true that the paper is super duper hard... soften it with hot water before testing it for starch using iodine solution!! HaHa!! lame, now is not biology paper...

Okay, shall tallk about my night cycling since so many people wanted to know. However, that would be on friday. Okay? See ya! hopefully by friday, blogger is back to 'normal'.

Basking In Happiness 17

Saturday
5th May ‘07
7.31PM

I woke up at around 6 o’clock just now. The feel was… not good. I want to sleep some more… Perhaps I was not in good mood after waking up so when I signed in msn messenger and SOMEONE said, “yo”, I simply started gun-shooting him with words. Actually, thinking back, I don’t think I did wrong. Sometimes, you need to give your friend a break. Unless that person is your girlfriend or your boyfriend then it won’t be wrong to be stalkish.

Friends need their own space and time. However, *sorry to mention it here* every time I signed in, he would just start5 talking to me. Okay, you may say that only say a damn hi or yo cannot meh? Then may I ask you what do you expect after saying that “yo” and “hi”? You start talking to that friend, right?

Even your girlfriend or boyfriend needs their own space lor… And, it doesn’t happened like once or twice but a lot of times when I told him that I am busy though I didn’t change my status to ‘busy’, he would just go away a while BUT a while later, he would start talking to me again.

Thus, a lot of times, I have blocked him on msn. And whenever I unblocked him, it started all over again. Man, this is not driving me crazy but just hoping that he would understand. I wouldn’t block a person for more than three days unless he or she is someone I hate to talk to anymore.

Seriously, I actually wanted to tell him that earlier and today I couldn’t bear anymore and told him honestly. How come he doesn’t seem to understand huh? GO DO REFLECTION LAH YOU~!! All my friends never does that… we all know our limit and know how to control and got common sense to measure when to talk when to stop when to AUTO…

YOU GOT TO LEARN AND STOP BLAMING OTHERS FOR what you called “when I don’t talk to people, they find me dao and when I talk to people, they dao me or they don’t like”. If you had learned how to control, all these would not have happened. Now is the time for try-and-error… learn from your mistakes and don’t repeat them lah.

Try thinking about what i've said to you... if i don't treat you as a friend, i would not have tell you all these honestly. Just trying to help... it's for your own good. You are still my friend and i won't forgot all the help you have provided me with... Sorry to hurt you BUT IT IS REALLY FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. When i tell people to go do reflection i really meant it lor... and i only tell them to friends, not strangers. I don't tell friends to go do reflection when they don't need to and i never joke about doing reflection when i said that.

Wow! Want to talk about my cycling thing de… now… =.=”. Really, today is quite a bad day. And, blogger is experiencing some technical problems arh... i can't change my font to anything bigger...

Basking In Happiness 15

4th May '07
Friday
6.30PM

Blogging before i leave for the Night Cycling Thrill (Trail). HaHa!! Still looking forward to it but my heart is still pounding heavily. I am so damn scared to become a burden to the rest you-know? The previous time, actually i didn't even help in a single thing at all... useless. *sigh* yeah and well...

Maybe i still doubt my own capability. Bi Jing... Ben Xiao Jie these few days have not been sleeping regularly. Not suffering from insomnia but more of the 'during-exam-symptoms' whereby you started studying till mid-night or after mid-night and woke up early the next morning again to study. I might not be able to take this whole night of cycling... if i do or succeed, i think... Hmm, better don't say or boast about anything yet.

Back to academic...

For my case, it's because i have not been spending my afternoon wisely thus i got to resort into doing mid-night oil combustion. HaHaHa!! This is getting so lame. Yeah, i am so stress about chemistry test... I have flunked the last two chemistry tests and i am so afraid to fail this mid year paper AGAIN.

6.40pm... Oh god, another 20 mintues and i have to report at TECC. Wearing the same old attire again except my shorts... the previous time, i had so much difficulties cycling not only because my legs are too short but also because my short is too short. Today, i am wearing my P.E. shorts so that i can cycle freely and in comfort. HaHa!! Borrowing my sister's jersey again which is so huge.

Just imagine my sister who is smaller in size then me wearing this over-sized shirt? Gosh. However, that makes me recalled back that time when i saw the primary school choir children singing at the NUS choir concert and they wore super over-sized costume. AAAAAAh!! Damn cute! HaHaHaHaHa!!!

Got to start preparing and i have took a bath. Feeling so comfortable now leh... i want to sleepp... HaHaHa!! Such a fine weather... such a fine day... such a fine time... everything is so fine. Pray hard to God that it won't rain and since yesterday rain liao i hope today won't rain lor.

After this Night Cycling, i will have to throw myself in piles of books again... Oh Man, can't bear to even think about that.

Okay, everyone! I am going off! Wish me super good super blessed super luck!

Basking In Happiness 15

3rd May '07
Thursday
3.18PM

Ka-Ching!! Yeah, i saw this advertisement at kids central today. HaHaHa!! Goodness, and today is such a blur day and i just hope school can end earlier and i can get back home earlier. Unfortunately, today is thusday which means 2.20pm school dismissal...

Well, a lot happened today. One is the light bulb incident whereby i just accidentally 'bulbed' ehem ehem and ehem ehem. Most porbably because i was just too happy after returning from the toilet. HaHaHa!!

Another one was during Physics lesson. It was so amazing!! I brought physic workbook when all the guai kiaS or you can say guai char bo never... HaHa!! Anyway, i mistook a paper calculator as the real one and tried to take it away... HaHa!! Stupid right? Camilia saw it and i think eleen and debbie saw it too. It was dumb but funny so all four of us laugh laugh laugh until we stopped...? Hah! lame.

Hmm, then i went back home, taking the 28 bus, with Joel and Cedrick and we talk all about school and exams and JC and future lah... Yeah, i think i have to stop dreaming about attending JC because my result hen bu li xiang...

After alighting at the bus stop at Blk 201 arh... Cedrick and i talked about the past and it was damn funny too. Just remember when we were in secondary three flipping through newspaper during Maths lessons, trying to find a job to earn money so that we can all go Melbourne. Yikes!!

We found a job finally and got cheated. We didn't get our pay. Then, the second job which we met bosses who loves to swear. And, many many more!! So many fun things happened but because of all these, i didn't do well academically and it causes so much trouble presently because i find myself crawling very slowly, trying to catch up with the rest. HaHa!! Die... but stil, though i kept blaming Cedrick for influencing me to TALK, i did have fun and regret a little ONLY lah (for not concentrating on studies)... hahaha!!!

By the way, i dreamt about myself going overseas to study and the dream was soooooooooooooo fun though i did get to go stil in the end because i woke up. But well, at least i know how i am going to feel about going overseas for studies. I really love going overseas to study leh... it was so exciting and fresh and fun and... yah, i really do hope i can go overseas for futher studies.

Okay, got to go i promised to study today. Sayonara!!

Basking In Happiness 14

2nd May '07
Wednesday
2.34PM

Yikes!! I accidentally deleted all the photos i've taken with my mobile!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAh!! Disaster!!! My cats!!! My lizard!!!!!!!!! My IceKa-chang!!!! My photos with friends!!!!!!! Cedrick!!!! Ah Lian!!!!! Bao Hui!!!!!!!!!!! Camilia!!!!! Garyn!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh My God!!!!! And those places i've gone to and took photos.............. Hell... T.T I am so sad now.

So sway lor... and my pathetic neighbour above me is driving me crazy with all the drillings... The whole house is shaking... or is it i am shaking? Hah!! And, i can't even listen to my favourite songs peacefully... Why is today such a bad day?